It Was the Right Place to Come

you came here asking for help
it was the right place to come.

now the pot is boiling and you want to get out
but there is no getting out because there is nothing that is not the pot.

you think there is a place to hide
but it is already over
it is already over.

you will see…

the Truth of who you are will stalk you into every night
it will follow you…

God takes all bets and wins.

so go ahead, do whatever you want.
It’s already over.

turning back from what?  turning back from where?

the Truth of who you are is stalking you.
the Truth of who you are will grab your sweet ass
throw you down
break you open
and smash your heart so wide that it bursts into a billion trillion stars

La illaha il Allah haqq

and then there will be only
only beauty

and you and I, we will laugh together again, then, my friend.
we will laugh and play and sing together again.
like children.


in Loving Kindness,

–Murshida VA

Three People Dancing

It was a menage a trois.

You stood in your impenetrable reserve, silently watching,
while he stepped onto the dance floor…
and gave passion somewhere to go.

and he knew where to take it

so we burned up the floor, he and i,
while you stood, still, slowly sautéing
in your impressively impeccable indifference.

and we burned up the floor, he and I,                         until you walked away…
then it ended.

No more dancing then.
Not because we needed rest, he and I,
but because, really, his desire to dance

was responding,  somehow,
to you and me,
and the magnetism between us…

wasn’t it?

Ahhh, yes…  it was.

And I adore him, of course, I do, and I adore you too.
And the root of passion that night,
where was it?

Was it with you?
Yes.  It was with you.
Yes.  With you.

And perhaps so was his…

I have no idea.
I have no idea what floats his boat
could be anything…

after all, when you walked away
he stopped dancing…

didn’t he?

Yes… he did. Yes.  He did.
Yes.  He did.

So how could I know anything?

All I know is the dance

which, for a moment,
was more
deeply satisfying

than making wild naked love with most people.

And, of course,
sex is so far beyond, so far beyond
what most people even consider real

that no one
noticed our little menage…
no one at all…

even though we were
the only

three people dancing.



Murshida VA

On Beauty and the Onset of Pain

Yesterday, I had an opportunity to speak with the lovely young woman with the awakened heart who is the subject of my recent blogs, and

She spoke with me about her experience reading Earth Offerings.  She told me that when she first read the blog, it was so poetic, that she immediately and rather automatically recoiled into an unexpected cynicism, denying, for a moment, the validity and depth of her own experience.

Recovering from this state, she realized how human her response was and spent the night pondering this phenomena which she called, “a deeply cynical denial and invalidation of what is most beautiful to us.”

What emerged from our dialogue was an awareness of the difficulty we human beings have loving ourselves and how that stops us from loving life, and one another, completely.  If we think and believe, “Oh, I could not possibly be that beautiful, my life could not possibly be that beautiful, the mind will create a trap to stop the flow of beauty through the heart.

I asked her why she thought people do this.  Her answer: “I think people reject what is most beautiful to them because they are afraid of the pain of losing it… because it will hurt more to lose this, it will hurt more to lose so much beauty.”

So, yes, much truth here.  Impermanence is inescapable.

Truly masterful non-attachment is the ability to feel everything, completely, to be completely alive, and to allow all that which moves through us to just keep on moving through us.  It is to neither cling nor reject while at the same time feeling everything.

The Path we are walking is through experience, through life and the body, with awareness.  To stand in ourselves fully and burn from the inside out with passionate love or ache with grief or shimmer or tremble as fear travels by, to feel the spirit gradually lift and lighten as guilt is removed from the crevasses of the heart, all of this is… life.

When we fear feeling, we begin to construct limitations with our minds that inhibit the full spectrum of our experience and we get ‘stuck’ in clogged corners of ourselves, while the rest of  us is left screaming, “Hey, wait, I’m in here, see me, feel me– wait!!!”

But the Voices of Reason, guarding the door, just calmly shush us, rationalizing our outcries.

The Cynic waves her hand and says, “None of this is even real,” relegating huge parts of the soul to the realms of Shadow where the pressure continues to build and build, toward inevitable breakdown or explosion.

Often, in this condition, we begin to feel persistently trapped as if we must escape from our lives to save our own lives, and so we run from one commitment to another, or one place to another, but in escaping we only bring the clogged stuck mess inside us along wherever we go, wondering why nothing ever really seems to change.

My beautiful young friend caught herself in the stuck place and wiggled free.  Now she is feeling all of life, including the trajedy of our own humanity resisting it.

Earth Offerings

“It appears to me as if the omnipotent intelligence of planet Earth is recognizing the advancement in the level of evolution in human beings.”–Shahabuddin David Less.

The beautiful young woman on the phone was describing her experience in the forest, hearing the voice of the Earth speak to her of thousands of years of pain.  As a child, her parents and all the elders told her to pray. They told her that if she would pray, she would feel God in her heart, but although she prayed and prayed, she felt nothing.  And then this, this mystery, this miracle, this sitting on the Earth and hearing, simply hearing the voice of the Mother herself, telling the story of her pain.

And her heart broke wide open and she began to feel everything and hear everything– all of the feelings, all of the voices of the One Being.  At first the voices of pain were easier to hear and she felt her life slipping away into the Abyss, her soul tumbling into fear and desolation.  But as she fell, another voice reached out to her from beyond the Void, penetrating her heart, filling her soul with light and hope.

“Go back to the earth and make love, little one.” it said.  “Make love on the prairie, on the beach, on the forest floor.  So many people are raped on the Earth nowadays, but so few people lie down in love on her body.

“Make love on her.  Make wild love on her.  Make crazy love on her.  Let her feel your ecstasy.  Let her feel your joy.  Let her know how grateful you are for your life.  Let her know how grateful you are for your life.  Thank her for the gift of your life with your whole body and everything you feel– what prayer could be more beautiful than this?  What prayer could be  more beautiful than this?

“Tell her, tell her you will do whatever is within your power to do to help to heal this world and ask her to heal you, ask her, humbly and openly, to heal you, to heal you completely, so that you may serve the healing of this world.

“Then put all your attention to your healing.  And when it is done, when it is done, when the healing is completed, live your vow– give all you are able to give to the healing of this world.  You will see miracles.

“You will see miracles.  And you will be Magic.”

Let her feel your joy.

That was my voice.  I am her Teacher, her Guide. And these things I learned from my Teacher, my Guide, but when the world was cracking open for me and rushing into  my heart with all it’s pain and joy and horror and beauty, and the tears did not stop for more than four years, I did not have a Guide.

I am lucky to be here in this world.  So fortunate not to have been consumed by desolation and darkness.  When I first met Shahabuddin, he pointed me out from a group of about 75 people and said, “You almost didn’t make it.”  And I knew it was true.

So I am here, now for the young people of our community, holding the light as they traverse the darkness, throw themselves headlong into the abyss, penetrate the Void, all in the name of finding that Truth which Awakens within us as Embodied Divine Love.  Hopefully, their journeys will be easier than mine because I am here.  Hopefully, I will save them some time.  My mother always said, “A good teacher will save you time.”  One never knows, though.  One just does the best that one can do every moment and the rest is up to the brilliant Universe.

We rarely talk about ourselves as individual “I’s” in the Dervish tradition, but my life is all I have to offer to the world.  It is the most precious gift God has given me, and it is the most precious gift I can give.  So I talk about my life.  I write about my life.  I love my life.  I live my life.  And I strive to inspire others to live their lives in this way- with complete fullness, with uncompromised vitality.

Amidst all this pain and suffering, there is so much beauty here, and as we learn to love through and beyond it all, as we learn to transform the darkness within and around us, not by denial but by embracing, we become, one by one, part of the healing.

The Message which came through for this beautiful, sensitive young woman opening into her enlightenment, is a Message for All of us–  if we can call up the courage to heal ourselves, we can heal the world.  We can heal this world.  Together.  All we have to do is heal ourselves and it will begin.

In Loving Kindness,

Murshida VA

Revitalising Tantra: I

“The basic principle of Tantrism was that women possess a more unbounded spiritual energy than men, and a man could achieve realization of the divinity only through sexual and emotional union with a woman. A fundamental rite was controlled sexual intercourse, maithuna. This requires reservation to the extent that control over male ejaculation must be good enough for the female to fully enter her own sexual ecstasy without the male precipitously bringing the intimate union to a false climax. Tantra is in essence, a fertility rite…  (  See clipmarks  in references, below).

Sex, hopefully, will never go out of style. But what about the Yoga of Sex? What about Sex Magick? What about Tantra?

Last October, I was in Los Angeles at a business meeting with two executives from Topco, one of the largest sex toy manufacturers in the world. We spent a good portion of the meeting discussing the effects of over-commercialization on Tantra. Basically, Tantra is now deemed to be unmarketable by the “Adult Industry”. Consumers have become numb. The word, ‘Tantra’ has lost it’s mystery and appeal. Why? Largely because such a wide array of sexual products and experiences have been marketed as “Tantric” that consumers no longer view Tantra as holding any power. Basically, the public magnetism of the word is shot.
Kali and Shiva, the Divine Lovers. (Kali is the one on top, with the sword).
Kali and Shiva, the Divine Lovers. (Kali is the one on top, with the sword).

This is particularly ironic if one considers the history and practice of Tantra as a Path. Tantra, the inclusive, Left-Handed path celebrating the Divine Lovers as Kali (often as Shakti) and Shiva, genuinely seeks to increase the magnetism of ordinary human sexual experience, and indeed the magnetism all of human experience, until the practitioner becomes exquisitely and totally alive, and every cell of the organism awakens toward Enlightenment.

Tantric Mastery is quite the opposite of numbness. So how has Tantra become synonymous with numbness in the Adult Industry? The answer is simple: whatever was being hocked at the market, it never was Tantra.

Tantra, Sex Magick, Sexual Shamanism, and all mystical practices associated with human sexuality, regardless of the names humans give them, are part of the deepest mysteries of the Spiritual Path. As such, they can never be marketed, actually, because, by definition, the mysteries are only available to the deserving few… those who respect the Source and who have attained sufficient Mastery over themselves to engage in the practice.  So what happens when a major sex toy retailer tries to market a deep mystery?  What is marketed is not the mystery, but only the inference that the mystery exists and the implication that by purchasing such-and-such toy (or book or tape) one may actually stumble onto the mysteries of the ages.

Just remove the sex from this idea and the wide-spread American obsession with reducing  anything, anything, really, into a quantifiable entity-which-can-therefore-be-commercially-reproduced-in-adequately-large-quantities-so-as-to-be-sufficiently-lucrative-to-warrant-distribution-for-sale rears its oh-so-common head.  We truly believe we can buy anything in this country.  So, maybe having less expendable cash will make us more deeply consider all the aspects of life which are not for sale, can never be for sale and are more precious than any price.  This consideration could bring our entire nation closer to the real message of Tantra than any amount of commercialization.  It could.  It might.  It also might take a while.

So, in the meantime, go ahead, take your hubby to Tantra Tai Chi  workshops– Dianna and Richard are wonderful, and Dianna will be the first to admit, she actually knows nothing about Tantra. She is simply trying to help people deal with their sexual energy. Is there anything wrong with this? Oh, no, not at all. In fact, if you can’t move through the wounds and blocks in your first two chakras you are never going to get to your heart, not really, and you certainly aren’t going to get the whole system hooked up and balanced.

So read David Deida– great guy, makes no claims, writes wonderful books .   Study Margot Anand– The Art of Sexual Ecstasy is, after all, one of the greatest books on sex ever written. Explore any and all workshops available, but don’t for a moment think anyone who calls themselves a Master in public knows anything, really. Some might, but for most Americans, Tantra is just a word.

It means, hopefully, better sex. And nothing is wrong with that at all. The fact that people have been seeking more fulfilling sexual experiences is wonderful. Healing will come of it… Oh, pun intended, of course.

But the Path called Tantra, while it is rooted in the realization that everything in manifest existence is one exquisite sexual dance,  is at the same time about much more than sex.  It is a devotion to the most radical journey toward Enlightenment available to human beings. It is swift, and it is dangerous. And the real Tantra, well, it’s simply not commonly available. No matter how publicized or tired the word becomes. You won’t find it at your local bookstores on the bestseller lists. And it is definitively not for everyone.

As to whether or not Tantra is actually a fertility right… that is an inquiry for another day.


David Deida’s wonderful books-

Dianna and Richard Daffner and the Tantra Tai Chi Workshops–

Margot Anand’s brilliant book, The Art of Sexual Ecstasy

clipped from
The basic principle of Tantrism was that women possess a more unbounded spiritual energy than men, and a man could achieve realization of the divinity only through sexual and emotional union with a woman. A fundamental rite was controlled sexual intercourse, maithuna. This requires reservation to the extent that control over male ejaculation must be good enough for the female to fully enter her own sexual ecstasy without the male precipitously bringing the intimate union to a false climax. Tantra in its essence is a fertility rite in which there is a complete consummation of the female and male sexual energies and thus must centrally also involve male fertilization of the female.
blog it

Lotus Impressions

Om Mani Padme HumSo many readers have commented on the connection between the muck and the Lotus, that it seemed only apt to devote an entry to the Lotus and the proverbial jewel within Her.  Om mani padme hum.  The jewel, resting within the thousand-petaled lotus which blooms within the awakened heart.  Omg,  mani padme hum.  The lingam resting within the yoni.  Om mani padme hum.  The most exquisite lotus blooming pure from the filthiest, muddy waters, and humanity arising, finally and pure, from the muck of the collective psyche of impressions,  separating us from the knowledge of who and what we truly are.

Listen, the Lotus does not arise exquisite despite of the filth of the mud, the Lotus arises exquisite because of it.  Listen, the Lotus does not arise exquisite despite of the filth of the mud, the Lotus arises exquisite because of it.  Listen

All existence is a mirror of the Divine Creative Intelligence of the Infinite.  Born into form through the gates of the Divine Mother, the Manifestation delights in its own existence and the Manifestation delights the Infinite.  We are the Manifestation.  We are, each of us, an embodiment of the Divine.  And Divine, when the Doorway of the Heart opens, it is the Infinite which awakens within us.

The Embodiment of Compassion, Tibetan Diety of Om Mani Padme Hum


To learn more about Om Mani Padme Hum–

A general introduction is acquired here–

From the Office of the Tibetan Government in Exile.  That’s right, it doesn’t get more official than this–

Basics information, straightforward and easy to grasp–

A Note on Appropriations

Some of you may be wondering, “What is a skinny, white-skinned, American woman doing writing a blog about Kali Ma?”  Although others of you may not have actually noticed that the author is a ‘skinny, white-skinned American woman’, the cat is now thoroughly out of the bag, and frankly, the cat is happier out than in because it is very a good question.

Kali with Shiva

In the West in general, and in the United States in particular, the majority of our Indigenous traditions have been destroyed.  The result is that most of us no longer know the songs and stories, the myths and archetypes, the magical and healing traditions of our own people.  Consequently, people experience a certain loss of ground.  The tendency, then, is for Westerners in general, and North Americans in particular, to attach ourselves rather aggressively and insensitively to the spiritual traditions of other cultures in an attempt to regain a sense of grounded belonging.  While there is nothing wrong with learning from those who have come before us– quite to the contrary, the ancestors  lead;  we follow in their footsteps– there is a real problem with appropriating the cultures and traditions of other people’s ancestors rather than seeking to reconnect with, or gain deeper knowledge of, our own.

From the point of view of the most cutting-edge thinkers in the recovery of Indigenous Mind movement, this appropriation, far from being innocuous, is actually an insidious form of colonialism and imperialism.  Taking what is not ours to take, is a deep and difficult habit to overcome for those of us who have been raised with the imprints of entitlement.  When the imprints of entitlement are cultural, the entire process is normalized and becomes even more challenging to recognize and overcome.

The author, therefore, treads carefully here, and with great respect, for Kali is what we have left of the Complete Mother in this world.  Not just in the West, but nearly everywhere, the traditions of the Great Mother have been decimated to the extent that a complete, intact archetype of the Divine Mother is virtually inaccessible.  All across human civilization, the Mother and the Lover are rent, the Mother and the Warrior are rent, and the Mother of Life has become a separate archetype from the Mother of Death.  Kali Ma is whole.  Born from Durga’s third eye, fully armed to defeat a legion of demons, Kali is the eternal consort and passionate  lover of Shiva.  She makes love to him, eviscerates and devours him, and then fucks him back to life again.  And Shiva remains in total devotion and complete surrender.  He knows that She, like Nature itself, is as tender as She is fierce, and he never forgets  Her heart, the wellspring of Infinite Compassion.

Amazing to have Her, still, in this world, to learn from Her, and to contemplate that at one time all of our ancestors knew and celebrated some form of this integrated and complete Divine Feminine force.

And possibly, in this contemplation, we can reconnect, through Kali Ma, to the Mother of our own ancestors.  Find our way back… to the beginning.  And as She opens Her secrets to us, as the heart opens and all Life awakens within us, we can listen, back to the beginning, to the songs and stories which have been lost from ordinary time forever but which live eternally in the realms of the heart.

It is all One Mother, All One Being, All awaiting our Remembrance..

For further study:

For more on Indigenous Mind and modern spiritual practice, see Murshida VA’s interview with Roth Conrad of

And these articles: