It’s been over a month since I’ve written here. We held a retreat on Mystical Sexuality which absorbed so much of my energy and attention that I felt I had nothing to write for a while. Much has percolated and writings are forthcoming, now, about the Mastery of Mystical Sexuality and ethical issues around sex and power in spiritual communities.
But before even this, my dear friend, Hafizullah Chisti, posted a note on my Facebook profile today which moved something deep within so relevant to the themes of this blog, that I feel compelled to share what has emerged as an entry…
Hafizullah posted: “Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.” — African saying
He followed this posting with a comment– “I think God only sees our beauty and wholeness…” which sparked within my heart, a memory…
For many painful years, as I was taking the long walk back from woundedness, the deep and compassionate healers who walked with me along the way would tell me, over and over again, there is a place inside each one of us that can never be broken, can never be wounded. I would look and look but all I could see within myself was ruin.
Then one day, it happened, something arose like a voice and a presence from deep within and it said, “I am who you would have been if none of this had happened– follow me and learn who you are.” And I did and, now, here I am.
Shahabuddin once said that on this Path, we strive always to see only the beauty, but that a healer, a healer has to be able to look into the wound.
I feel that a healer has the ability to see both at once– the wound and the wholeness. It’s a way of seeing the direction one must go in order to return to Oneself from the exile of despair.
In hindsight, I feel that Life crushed me in order to teach me the Way of Healing because I am so stubbornly joyful and light that I would never have learned any other way. I had to be forced into the experience of darkness. Finally, in that place, all of the World’s suffering could open within my own heart and I could see us, what we are, what we have done to ourselves and also what beauty we can become. It’s all there at once.
It has been said that the Planet Earth Herself, Gaia, is becoming Illumined and we are all to go along for the ride… so this healing is now inescapable. I pray we have the courage to look deep within, embracing darkness without fear but with love, knowing it is the marker to our freedom and our Path home.
So much love to you, Hafizullah, and to all of you who share so much of yourselves, on Facebook, in this blog, and most of all in our lives together.
It is all of you who give my life purpose. Gratitude.
in Loving Kindness,
Image Reference: Healing Lotus